


The First Time

by aslytherinsukkot



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-20
Updated: 2018-12-20
Packaged: 2019-09-23 08:44:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17077076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aslytherinsukkot/pseuds/aslytherinsukkot
Summary: The first time Albus kills a man. (AU where Albus and Gellert never go their separate ways; this takes place a couple of years into them leaving home to find the Deathly Hallows and take over the world.) Grindeldore Holiday Exchange gift for Roflskate/Baratheon!





	The First Time

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Roflskate](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Roflskate/gifts).



Alexey Kuznetsov was following them again. Technically, Albus supposed, he had been following them this whole time, but it had mostly been from at least one city behind. Now, he was following them up the street.

It had all started when they stole the wand. Kuznetsov wasn’t an auror--at least not anymore. He’d been an auror about a decade ago, but then there was an _incident_. They weren’t clear on the details, but people died who weren’t supposed to. Kuznetsov somehow managed to avoid prison, but his career as an auror was over. Now, he did private jobs for people who weren’t comfortable taking their problems to the real aurors, such as wand-makers who lost their most valuable possession. 

They’d been a few steps ahead of Kuznetsov for months now, but they’d lagged a bit in Montreal when a possible trail for the invisibility cloak had gone completely cold. Just when they’d started to get frustrated, they heard a rumor of a powerful necromancer in possession of a very unique stone in Buenos Aires. Now they were here, and so was Kuznetsov, and Albus didn’t think that was a coincidence. 

“We should leave,” Albus said, side-stepping to get around a group of teenage girls without brushing up against them. 

Gellert casually nudged a few muggles out of the way with magic as they crossed the street. “We are leaving.” 

“I mean the city. I think this whole thing was a trap. Even if it wasn’t, we’re not going to get anywhere while we’re constantly on the lookout for our friend.” 

Gellert quickly glanced back at Kuznetsov and considered the situation for a moment. “And then what? We close our eyes, point at a map, hide in a random city and start from scratch on all of our leads?” 

“I think we’re going to end up there eventually,” Albus admitted. “So we might as well hurry the process along. This whole rumor was probably a lie that Kuznetsov knew would get our interest.” 

“Or,” Gellert said, as they continued moving through the busy streets, “it’s a _true story_ the Kuznetsov knew would get our interest. I’m not saying that it’s a coincidence that he’s here, but I think we should _see_ this necromancer before we walk away.” 

“It’s not worth ending up dead…” Albus said. 

“Then we won’t do that.” Gellert must have realized that he sounded annoyed, because he stopped, turned at Albus, and softened. “We _need_ all three Hallows, Albus. It’s the only way to insure victory over the International Confederation of Wizards.” He cupped Albus’ face and leaned in close. The crowd suddenly stopped noticing them and Albus could feel the charm Gellert had cast to hide their affection from the muggle passersby. “Do you trust me?” 

Albus knew Gellert was manipulating him. He wasn’t subtle about it.

It always worked, though, even after two years of marriage. “Yes,” Albus said. “I trust you.” 

“Then give me one day,” Gellert said. “Just one day here, and if we don’t find anything, we’ll leave first thing tomorrow morning. Is that acceptable?” 

It was hard to say no to Gellert when his lips were so close to Albus’ skin. “Yes,” Albus said. “That’s acceptable. _One_ day. And then we leave.” 

Gellert rewarded him with a gentle kiss on the lips. “I love you,” he said. 

“I love you too,” Albus said, not meaning it any less for the fact that he still didn’t think staying was a good idea. Marriage was about compromise, he supposed.

They wove through the crowd with no particular direction in mind for a while, until they broke Kuznetsov’s line of sight and took several other twists and turns for good measure. When they felt confident that they’d lost him, Gellert led them with purpose back toward the Buenos Aires equivalent of Knockturn Alley. They’d done their research before coming here and knew exactly where it was, how to get in, and how to stay out of trouble. 

Gellert was comfortable in these sorts of streets. For his family and peers at Durmstrang, shopping in areas like this was as normal as going to the bank or the farmer’s market. Gellert treated buying deadly poisons like it was a boring chore. 

Albus, however, was still uncomfortable in these places, even after years on the run with Gellert. It wouldn’t have been so bad, honestly, if the people who frequented these places didn’t feel the need to _advertise_ that they were skeezy and unscrupulous practitioners of the darks. Albus and Gellert, with their youthful faces and their clean clothes and their well-groomed hair, always stood out, and people noticed in the worst of ways. 

“Unforgivable curses!” yelled a man on the street corner with an old tome tucked under his arm. “All three unforgivable curses--and more!--in this book for the highest bidder!” 

Gellert scoffed as they walked past him. “People are so _tedious_ in countries where the Dark Arts are banned. Imagine bidding on an old text book.” 

“The Dark Arts are banned in _my_ country,” Albus pointed out, though it wasn’t entirely true. The Dark Arts weren’t so much _banned_ in the United Kingdom as heavily restricted,but that felt like splitting hairs. 

“Which is why I taught you the Unforgivables myself: so you wouldn’t end up spending a fortune on a beat up old book that’s ten editions behind.” 

The man on the corner was still making his pitch: “Cause pain to your enemies! Make people do what you want! Cast a killing curse that can’t be blocked!” 

“I’ve yet to use any of them,” Albus pointed out. 

Gellert laughed and flipped his hair. “Because you make me do it for you.” 

“Stop it,” Albus said, with no real anger. 

“Stop what?” Gellert asked innocently. 

“Looking sexy when I’m trying to argue with you,” Albus said. “It’s an unfair move! The verbal equivalent of an illegal killing curse!” 

“Oh! A killing curse?” Gellert turned and walked backwards so that Albus had to keep looking at his gorgeous face and his infectious grin. 

“It kills the argument.” Albus stopped and looked around for a private place they could sneak off to. “Because all I want to do is push you up against a wall and…” 

“Kiss me?” Gellert asked.

“Among other things.” 

Gellert was looking around now too, and his eyes settled on an abandoned storefront with a “FOR RENT” sign in front. Albus followed his gaze, and then they looked at each other and nodded. 

It was easy to break the locking charm, and they slipped into the dark storefront without anyone noticing them. 

And then Albus threw Gellert against a wall. He did it suddenly enough that Gellert was caught off-guard, and when Gellert looked at Albus, he was wide-eyed and a little breathless from the impact. His mouth was already open when Albus went in for the kiss, and Albus licked Gellert’s bottom lip and watched Gellert’s eyes light up. 

Gellert’s hands moved down Albus’ chest and tugged at Albus’ shirt. Albus felt his shirt come loose, and then he was thrown hard into the wall to his left. 

“ _Scheisse_.” Gellert had landed on top of Albus. He jumped to his feet and drew his wand, freeing Albus to do the same. As Albus stood up, Gellert fired an entrail-expelling curse at Kuznetsov.

“Expelliarmus!” Albus cried. 

Kuznetsov blocked both curses easily, then swung his wand wildly in Gellert’s direction. 

Gellert opened his mouth, but no sound came out. He looked at Albus frantically, and then his feet left the ground. 

Gellert hovered mid-air, kicking desperately toward a ground he couldn’t quite reach while being strangled by an invisible rope. 

“ _Ebublio_!” Albus yelled.

Kuznetsov countered it before it could take effect.

“Flipendo!” 

Dodged. 

“Tentaclifors!” 

Kuznetsov blocked it with ease. 

Gellert’s feet were kicking wildly. He was tossing his body from side to side, trying to break free of the invisible hold. 

Albus needed to try something else. Something that couldn’t be blocked. Something that would stop Kuznetsov cold and could not be blocked-- 

Oh. 

Gellert was gasping and flailing, reaching in the general direction of his wand but coming several inches short of it. His face was changing color from the lack of air. Albus had to. 

Albus had to.

“Avada Kedavra!” A blinding green light filled the room, and Albus shut his eyes.

Even after he could tell that the light had faded, he couldn’t bring himself to open them.

Albus could hear gasping and he could only hope it was Gellert’s until Gellert confirmed it for him: “You got him, Albus.” The voice was hoarse, but definitely Gellert’s. Gellert coughed, and then spoke slightly more clearly: “Kuznetsov’s dead.” 

Albus opened his eyes, but he looked first at the far side of the room and then slowly came closer until he found Gellert. 

Gellert was alright. His blond curls were tangled and his eyes were a little watery, but he was sitting up and breathing and he was alright. He even looked back at Albus and smiled a little. 

Then he stood up, and Albus had to close his eyes again as Gellert began walking toward him, stepping around the body to do so. He didn’t open his eyes until he felt Gellert’s lips on his, and then he couldn’t help him. 

“You saved my life,” Gellert said playfully. “Let’s get back to the hotel, so I can give you a proper thank-you.” 

The promise would normally have thrilled Albus, but he had never been less in the mood than he was in that moment. “Shouldn’t we…” He gestured toward the body without looking at it.

Gellert stopped. “Alright.” He turned on his heel and looked right at the body. “What would you like done with it?”

“Hide it!” Albus said. “Or destroy it or… something. We can’t just _leave_ it here.”

Gellert nodded. When Gellert raised his wand, Albus looked away, but Albus heard the fiendfyre devour the corpse. He was only grateful that he couldn’t smell it. 

And just like that, in the span of mere minutes, Alexey Kuznetsov went from being a thinking, feeling, breathing human being, to a pile of ash on the floor.

Albus wanted to throw up.

With a flourish of his hand, Gellert scattered the ashes into a gust of wind. “Shall we get lunch?”

“I’m not hungry,” Albus said quickly. He wasn’t much of anything. He saw Gellert pout, though, and it cleared his head slightly. He did want to leave. “Let’s get food, though, if you’re hungry. I’ll just… sit there while you eat.” 

Gellert still looked troubled--though not as troubled as Albus felt--but he consented to this plan. He led Albus through a few blocks of aimless wandering until they found a cafe that he thought looked nice, and then he brought them in. He ordered himself a coffee and a salmon platter and a tea for Albus, even though Albus didn’t ask for that and didn’t really want it. He tried to drink it, but it was all he could do not to gag the first time the liquid touched his lips. 

Gellert noticed. He watched Albus for a moment while he ate, and then he got desperate. He picked up his spoon, stirred his coffee for a moment, and then lifted the spoon out of the coffee and shamelessly licked the coffee off his spoon as if he was licking an icecream cone. Albus dutifully watched Gellert’s wet pink tongue drag along the curves of the metal spoon while Gellert’s eyes sparkled mischievously, but he felt nothing. 

“We should find a place to sleep tonight,” Albus said. 

Gellert sighed and put his poor, molested spoon back down on his napkin. “It’s lunchtime, Albus, and we can go back to the hotel tonight, _after_ we finish checking into the necromancer.” 

“We’ve been followed,” Albus pointed out. 

“Kuznetsov won’t be telling anyone where we’re staying.” Gellert stabbed a bit of salmon rather petulantly. “Nor will he be bothering us himself. We could stay here a week, and no one would know.” 

“I don’t care how long we stay here anymore,” Albus said, though it was only a half-truth. He had no intellectual objections to remaining in this city for as long as Gellert wanted, but emotionally, he wanted to leave and bury this whole misadventure sooner rather than later. Even packing up and leaving seemed out of the scope of what Albus could handle at that moment, though, so if Gellert wanted to keep chasing a rumor, there was no sense in stopping him. “I want to turn in for the day. You can keep looking for the necromancer if you want--though I still think we’re wasting our time--but _I_ need to retire as soon as possible.” 

Gellert sighed, but again, reluctantly consented. Once he’d finished his meal, he walked Albus back to their hotel and saw him safely up to their room. Then, he left Albus behind to continue the mission, frowning and look back at Albus all the way to the door, like he expected Albus to change his mind and tell him to wait. 

Albus didn’t. He didn’t sleep, but he felt more human lying in the darkness than he did in the light of the sun. Or maybe less human? However he felt, it was preferable to the feeling of walking the sunny streets with Gellert while the birds sang behind him. 

A man was dead because of Albus. 

Albus had known, in a detached way, that people would die in their revolution. Albus wasn’t stupid. People died in revolutions. It happened. But knowing that in theory and suddenly being confronted with a dead body that just yesterday had a pulse and a name and hopes and dreams and a family, and now suddenly didn’t because of Albus, were very different things. 

It seemed that Gellert had been more realistic about this. Gellert had prepared himself for death. Maybe it was all those years of studying the Dark Arts in a classroom at Durmstrang that made Gellert immune to the horrors of them in a way that Albus wasn’t. Maybe part of Gellert’s lessons had even covered this feeling and how to deal with it. Maybe Gellert was simply unphased because, for _him_ murdering people was still theoretical. For whatever reason, Gellert was skipping around Buenos Aires looking for the necromancer, and Albus was half wishing he could trade places with his victim. 

Gellert wasn’t gone all day. He was gone for maybe two hours, and then he walked back into the hotel room looking ashamed. He didn’t turn on the light as he walked in. 

“You’re back early,” Albus said, because one of them had to say something.

Gellert nodded. “I kept hoping that you’d join me. It’s really not the same without you.” He moved over to the bed slowly, and then crawled on top of the blankets until he was next to Albus. 

They listened to each other breathe in the darkness.

“I’m sorry,” Gellert said after a minute. “I didn’t think it would be this big of a deal.” 

“Maybe it shouldn’t be,” Albus said. “I just always thought…”

“What?” Gellert asked.

“That you’d be the one to do the killing,” Albus admitted. “Or at least the one to do it first.”

There was a moment of silence.

“Ja, genau,” Gellert admitted. “I thought so too.” He flipped a lock of hair over his shoulder. “I wasn’t, though.”

Albus sighed and rolled over.

“Don’t do that,” Gellert said. He put a gentle but firm hand on Albus’ shoulder, and turned Albus onto his back, so that they could look each other in the face--at least as much as was possible in what little light was making it through the curtains. 

Gellert took a shaky breath. “I tried to distract you, and it didn’t work,” he said. “So then I tried to give you space, but that just made me feel… empty, and it clearly didn’t help you either. So all that’s left is for us to talk about this.” 

Albus didn’t _want_ to talk about it, but Gellert was right. It was the only thing that could possibly help, as much as Albus didn’t want to do it. 

“Not to make this about me,” Gellert said, “but, just to start… Is this my fault?” It wasn’t a targeted question. There was no right or expected answer. Gellert was concerned, and he wanted the truth. 

“No,” Albus said. 

“But if I’d agreed to leave the city when you wanted to--” 

“He’d have followed us.” Albus hadn’t really thought about it in the chaos of the last few hours, but he would have. A direct confrontation was always inevitable. “We couldn’t keep running forever. Eventually, it would have come to the same thing.” 

Gellert nodded, cautiously. “But if I hadn’t let his curse hit me, you wouldn’t have needed to save me.” 

“You didn’t _let_ his curse hit you. It’s not something you consented to. And if it had been the other way around, you’d have saved my life by any means necessary; you’d probably have done it faster.” 

“I would have,” Gellert agreed. “But that’s me. And I don’t think that knowing that is making you feel any better. So let’s talk about why you did it: because you love me.”

“Yes,” Albus said, feeling sure of that in a way that he felt sure of little else right now. “I do love you.” 

“And I love you,” Gellert said. “We made a blood pact. We’re… bonded. Married. We’d do anything for each other. _I’d_ do anything for _you_. And after today, there can be no doubt that you’d do anything for me. So let me ask you: What do you think would have happened if you hadn’t killed Kuznetsov?” 

A very emotional part of Albus’ brain was screaming that Albus didn’t know what would have happened; that no one could ever know what would have happened, not even a Seer, and this was the terrible curse of being alive. But a more logical part of Albus’ brain was perfectly capable of extrapolating from the data it had and deciding on the most likely outcome, and it was the same most likely outcome that he’d thought it was earlier: “He’d have killed you.” 

“ _And_ ,” Gellert said. 

Albus raised an eyebrow. 

“What would have happened to you, after he killed me?” 

“Oh.” Albus had not considered that question before. It didn’t take long for him to figure out the answer, though. “He’d have killed me too. I mean, he wasn’t an auror. He didn’t have any legal right to kill _you_ , so if he did kill you, he’d have to kill me too to keep it a secret. And then it would be our ashes scattered to the wind.” 

“Is it okay to kill one person to save two lives?” Now, Gellert was asking targeted questions. Gellert knew the answers to these questions, and he knew that Albus knew them. He just needed to remind Albus of them in order to get Albus to fully comprehend what had happened earlier that day. 

“Yes,” Albus said. “Ethically speaking, you follow the course of action that will save the most lives.” They’d agreed on that as one of the guiding principles before they ever set out on this journey. They knew that death would be necessary, but it had to be moderated and kept in check by the greater good. Minimal casualties for maximum effect. They’d agreed. 

“And if _we’d_ died,” Gellert said, “what would have happened to the wizarding world?” 

“It would have stayed the same.” 

“And is that acceptable?” 

“No.” 

Gellert nodded. “You did it to save me, to save yourself, and to save the wizarding world, from a man who violently attacked us while we were minding our own business.” 

That was technically true, but… “We did steal the wand,” Albus said. It was in Gellert’s pocket at the very moment, in fact. 

“Irrelevant,” Gellert said with complete certainty. “Death is not the punishment for theft.” 

Albus nodded slightly. That was true. 

“So if you did it to save multiple lives during an inevitable violent confrontation which he started,” Gellert said, “it wasn’t wrong. No part of that sounds immoral to me, not does it contradict the philosophical framework we’ve been working with thus far.” 

Part of Albus was beginning to suspect that there were some flaws in that philosophical framework, but a much bigger part of Albus than before could see Gellert’s point. 

“Are you going to be alright?” Gellert asked, frowning down at Albus in the darkness. 

Albus nodded. “I think so,” he said. “In time.” 

“Is there anything I can do to help, meanwhile?” Gellert asked. 

“Yes.” Albus almost felt silly for asking, but he was also certain that it would help. “Hold me.” 

Gellert smiled softly. “For as long as you need, my love.” He slipped under the covers and pulled Albus in close. 

The first time they murdered someone had turned out to be far more difficult than either of them had imagined that it would be, but it was done. As Albus got comfortable in Gellert’s arms, he thought for the first time since Kuznetsov’s body had gone cold that maybe, just maybe, they could deal with this, together. The sun would rise tomorrow, and eventually, if Albus and Gellert stayed strong and true to their purpose, it would rise on a world where death like this wasn’t necessary at all. 

In the meantime, Albus was grateful to have Gellert there, to remind him of The Greater Good.


End file.
